Wednesday, September 24, 2008

An apology, and a parable for our time.

I would like to use this public forum to apologize for all that naked shortselling i've been doing. I didn't know so much harm would come from it. I was all telling Darrin about it and I got to the naked part and he said "Ew, that's gross." And I said, "I know, but it's so profitable." And he said with his Darrin Voice, "Well, that's the financial indu$try for you," and he said it with the dollar sign in it, so it came out like "induh-dollar-tree". Weird, I know. So anyway the shit all went down and I was kickin it with my man GW Bush out on the Wall Streets, like literally on the street. Were losing badly at a nice man's three-card monte stand. Of course he was in a disguise, and of course I was all naked cause i'd been shortsellin all day, and G said, "Did I really deregerlate (sic) everything just so you could walk around here naked?" And I was sort of surprised that he asked that, because the answer was a really obvious "yes" so that's what I said to him. He was all acting like I did something wrong for shortselling, even though he was totally cool with it a month ago. It wasn't just me; everybody was naked because they all have been shortsellin, and all the others had at least lost their shirts, and were trying to find buyers for their pants. But no takers, cause who wants pants? Then I point to Gdub's car. "Oh lordy mama, looks like someone's stealing your car!" And somebody was, but it wasn't really stealing because I had sold that car that I didn't own to some guy a few days ago when that car was more valuable. Not really stealing. I was pointing at GWB and laffin and ROTSLing. I sez to him "Free marketplace mutherfuckah! The shit all works out, right?" So anyway, sorry if I sold any of your cars. The moral of this story is to watch out for disguised presidents, naked people, and invisible hands. And don't sell your shorts and your pants at the same time, or they won't let you into the Waffle House.